Aside from the odd poem I’ve not been too motivated to write lately. Even the poetry has been a little forced. For instance, I was to write a confessional poem for class and struggled quite a bit with it. I was not feeling particularly motivated and even though I spent most of last Sunday night writing, nothing good came of it. So, I woke up Monday morning and ended up writing the following.
Pavlov’s Dog
This confession is forced.
Inadmissible in court!
Forced by the deadline
whose guillotine looms.
I put my pen to paper
and words spring forth.
They are not free like eagles
yet they soar on hot air.
I thought it would be easy
this confession of sin.
Yet long did I struggle
on how to disclose.
That my treasures are many,
my daily misdeeds.
Should I be subtle and witty
or humble, contrite.
Many drafts I did write
yet none did please.
Finally I settled on this,
my effort last minute.
I admit I lacked motivation.
No inspiration came.
Distracted from work I felt
like Pavlov's laboratory dogs.
Whoses mouths would water
but food was not my trigger.
Five new messages would await
and read them I must!
So now I sit here and write
and reluctantly submit.
It is strange and a little sad that my now twice daily commute past the Eiffel tower has begun to feel routine. It is strange that I’ve now been here for over a month and cannot look back on any one single moment as a hall-mark, defining high-water mark. Perhaps it’s because I’ve not taken to documenting my daily life; the lack of pictures and diary allows the days to slip away unremarked. Perhaps it’s because the routine imposed by school acts like a metronome, each week and assignment marks another beat. Perhaps it’s merely the fact that life is routinely banal, no matter how romantic and alluring your surroundings.
In any case, I don’t wish to sound too downbeat. I am merely trying to explain that a month and a half in Paris going to school is not at all like a month and a half of vacation; the demands of daily life do not easily lend themselves to a sense of wonder and exploration. I would be terribly remiss if I let this sentiment pass without an effort to provide balance and perspective in the form of the wonderful things I’ve seen and done.
It’s hard to put a value on the small moments one gets of extreme exhilaration as one spots a particularly beautiful vista, the flashing ray of sunlight which strikes your eye as you bike along the Seine and catches the dome of Des Invalides just so. Or when you’re wandering in a new quartier and you turn a corner and have a perfect view of the Notre Dame hit by flood-lights. Not to mention the jolt of surprise when trying a new route to a friend’s house and realizing your chemin provides you an unobstructed view of Sacre Coeur lit brilliantly in yellow by the setting sun.
Another upside is that my French has improved tremendously. French classes, French cinema, and other exchange students eager to practice all have contributed to a growing ease of speaking and comprehension. Of course, it’s still embarrassing when talking to French people in a bar and asking them to repeat themselves every other sentence because I can’t understand what they’re saying. The language barrier compounds an already existing difficulty; I cannot understand people in my native tongue in a crowded noisy environment, nevermind in French!
This next week should prove to be interesting for me. I’m on vacation for real. No school this week! Due to a serious lack of funds, I am not travelling like almost every other friend that I have met in Paris. So, I plan on playing tourist finally. I want to visit museums (a phrase I thought I would never utter). First however, there is the small matter of the gold medal hockey game. I’m going to watch it at 3 a.m here with a few Canadians I’ve met – and then sleep all day Monday! Woohoo!